


Always Together

by sukarideepsoul



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 07:39:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13243605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sukarideepsoul/pseuds/sukarideepsoul
Summary: Aiba Masaki was his escape from reality. Just admiring his friend was enough for him... Or that was what he thought. Sakurai Sho found himself completely in love with his best friend, but being famous, being in a strict company, being gay, made him a coward person, because maybe Aiba was just another friend in Arashi. Just another co-worker.





	Always Together

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote for Chrissy! I hope you enjoy it because I really tried my best~

Sometimes life is hard, right? Sometimes you cannot bear with all the problems which appear suddenly and you feel like drowning without any help around. Then someone offers you help and it is like the light you need to overcome it. The breath you desire to start to see the solutions.

Sakurai Sho lived something alike. His beginning in Arashi was not the easiest path for him. Going to the university had been his hell, feeling out of place every time he returned home had been hard for his mental health, working hours and hours as an idol having to study during the night just to pass the exams had been the hardest thing he had ever done in his life.

Now he thought about it fifteen years later and he wondered how he had done it. How he had overcome every single day without a single stop, a single break. How could he? Just when those thoughts bothered his mind, he always turned his head around to find the reason of his hard work, of his smile everyday, his reason to continue a step forwards when he had the chance.

Aiba Masaki meant everything for him. But he was not more than a friend and co-worker for him. And that hurt him more than all his past. He had been in love with him since the day when Masaki found him broken and he fixed his pieces again. 

 

_He was fed up with everything, his mind wanted to shout, to break everything, to give up and disappear from that world. A few tears started to fall from his eyes in a hopeless attempt to calm his anxiety which was squeezing his lungs not to let him breathe anymore._

_His anxiety was taking over his body and panic burst inside of him while being so afraid of those negative emotions. He was so scared because he was unable to breathe, to talk, to even move. His body was paralyzed since the anxiety attack started and he needed help urgently._

_Suddenly, Masaki opened the door to come inside the dressing room and he saw how Sakurai was sitting on the floor with his hands grabbing his hair tightly. Immediately, he ran to him to see what was wrong and Sakurai only wrapped his arms around his neck to cry on his shoulder being able to breathe already._

_“What’s wrong, Sho-chan?” he asked worried about his friend and Sakurai only sobbed in that needful hug until Masaki insisted in his question impatiently._

_“I can't anymore... My life is something I can't overcome...” he answered in a hard attempt to explain what he was thinking in that moment. Masaki hugged him stronger and brushed his hair, then he repeated the same words over and over again..._

_“It’s okay, Sho-chan. I'm here with you”_

_Those words had saved him that day and all the moments he had been at his limit. Masaki became his lifesaver since that day and the love he would never be able to reach._

 

That memory was repeated in his mind every day and nothing could erase it because when he felt as breaking again, Sakurai called his friend to calm himself and support him. It was a way to be with him too. Only his embrace and his smile and he was satisfied, he had not needed more than that until the last year.

Little by little, Sakurai called him even when he was fine; he only wanted to be by his side a few minutes, to enjoy their closeness. But that reminded himself that there was a limit which they could not cross. Not because Sho was sure that he was just a friend for Masaki, but because they were a part of Arashi, they were idols, they were accepted as friends but not as lovers. And that was the main reason why he had never tried to make a move on him.

He was a coward too and although sometimes he kissed his cheek or was cuddled up in his arms, both could see that even friends do that. They were not more than co-workers with a good friendship, Sakurai needed to have it clear in his mind not to suffer anymore but the more he tried to forget his feelings, the more he fell in love with Masaki.

Lately, he was wondering that although they could not be lovers, at least he could let Aiba know what he really felt for him. They had enough confidence to talk about it, they were adults, they were mature and they were friends. Again that damned word... Sakurai hated it with all his might, _friends..._

 

One day, Sakurai had an idea to confess his feelings definitely and he asked Ninomiya's help. The latter had known his love towards Masaki years ago and he accepted it willingly. He was Masaki's best friend and he was sure that there was something deeper, hidden inside of his mind, deeper than a simple _friends._

“Masaki! I'm sorry, I can't go with you” Ninomiya explained his current, invented situation and Aiba seemed disappointed.

“Don't worry, we can go to drink together another day!” he smiled at his friend and Ninomiya sighed relieved.

“You can go with Sho-chan instead! He's free today” the gamer started the plan as they said but Aiba frowned looking aside and thinking of what to do.

“I’m quite tired today...” he excused himself from drinking with Sho with a nervous grimace. Ninomiya suppressed his surprised reaction to smile and nod. He was completely shocked about that sudden rejection when Aiba and Sho always went out to drink together.

Ninomiya was more worried about how he was going to tell Sho than the plan had failed. He was sad watching how Sakurai was suffering from a one-side love related to his best friend. Sometimes he wanted to do more, making them talk seriously about it, rather than staying in silence and do nothing. They both needed each other but no one wanted to do the first step.

He came in the green room where Sakurai was waiting. “He said that he is tired...” Ninomiya informed regretfully as Sho smiled with red eyes.

“I see... Thank you, Nino” he patted his shoulder and walked until the door leaving the room. He needed fresh air. He needed to shed the tears which were hurting him more than thousands knives in his heart. With that, Sakurai was able to confirm that, for Masaki, he was not just a friend, but also a bad company.

The broken man was in front of the backdoor of the building trying to calm himself. He was an adult, crying was not an option to solve his problems. What did he have to do to forget Masaki if they had to see each other several days per week? What should he do not to love Masaki any single second more? Although his life was easy, that situation was killing his sanity faster than he thought and any option was good in that moment.

Suddenly he felt a hand in his shoulder which pulled him backwards and his back crashed into another person who wrapped his arms around his neck to embrace him.

“Somehow... We're cold lately...” his voice gave him the hint to know that Masaki was the one who was embracing him. His heart started to pound hardly in his chest and his head turned around a bit to watch how Aiba's head lowered to kiss his cheek and press his forehead on his temple.

“Masaki, why-?” he tried to ask but his friend was quicker.

“I miss you...” Masaki whispered full of embarrassment beside his ear and Sakurai caught his arms to remove them and turn around. Their gazes crashed in a heavy tension and slowly Aiba's cheeks got flushed as Sho's thumb was rubbing the soft skin of his jaw.

At that moment, Sho realized that Masaki had lied to Ninomiya before in the room. Why? That was a mystery but somehow he was seeing a strange doubt in his eyes. And Sho found himself hugging that helpless man. Maybe it was his turn to give him the support that Masaki had always given him.

“Let’s go drink a bit and forget our problems” Sho whispered knowing that it was not a question, so he was forcing Aiba to accept but the man nodded without a doubt this time, and Sho stayed still looking at his friend trying to find which game he was playing.

 

The alcohol was making Masaki sick because the five glasses he swallowed were already too much for him. Sho only drank one while he watched how the other could not stop. He had some problems for sure but Sakurai did not ask either, he preferred to wait until Aiba decided to tell him.

Suddenly, Masaki approached him to dance a bit at the rhythm of that electronic music, which was hurting his ears after being one hour there. Sakurai caught his hips to see how he was moving so close to him. He thought that maybe everything was a dream, that it was not real because Masaki was that type of shy man who would not do that even in exchange of money.

“Masaki, why don't we go home now?” he shouted beside his ear to be louder than the music and his friend nodded with a tired face. He was struggling to walk properly until the car so Sho was helping him and that was bad, if some paparazzi took photos of them like that, it would be so bad for Arashi's reputation.

Crossing his fingers to be lucky, they reached the car as fast as they could and Sho started to drive to Masaki's house. He would leave his friend on his bed sleeping like he was doing in the car and then he would return home, to rest a few hours, before waking up again in the morning to start working again.

Sometimes he glanced at Masaki, who was asleep with a cute face, and his hand touched Aiba's cheek to squeeze it and rub it with his thumb. He loved how soft his skin was and he had always desired to touch it all over his body, but that was only possible in his dreams.

He stopped the car and tried to wake Masaki up to arrive to his house. Aiba wrapped his shoulders with an arm to be on his feet and then they reached the elevator. At that hour in the night, there was no one around and taking advantage that the elevator would take a minute to reach the floor, Masaki cornered Sho smirking.

“Spend the night with me...” he whispered playfully and Sho felt how Aiba kissed his neck when his eyes were closed trying to think about what to do.

“Masaki... What...?” he tried to speak but his friend was quicker to shut him up with a kiss. His eyes widened to push him backwards and breathe again. “What are you doing?” he did not want to believe that it was real; maybe a joke or the alcohol was provoking Masaki to make fun of him. Perhaps he knew his feelings and he was only laughing of him.

“Sho-chan, play with me...” he pouted cutely approaching him again and then the elevator’s doors opened. A huge rage grew up inside of Sho who had handled with enough shit already and he took his hand to get off from the elevator to come inside Masaki's house.

“Let's see who plays better” he muttered going straight to the bedroom and Masaki fell on the mattress waiting for Sho. The latter caught his wrists to place them above his head and kissed him hardly until their lungs needed more oxygen. He went down not wanting to make it so long, he could not bear with it anymore.

Undressing Masaki to see his naked body, after years knowing how his complexion was, turned him on. The situation was different, they were different. In the end, everything had changed between them long time ago and Sho was tired of trying to return until that point unsuccessfully.

Masaki was watching him with a cold gaze, but rather than that, Sho could swear that Masaki was unsure about what he was doing, that was the reason why he was showing Sho that gaze, to hide his true feelings. And Sakurai felt bad, wanting the love of that warm person for long years to only get that stupid game in the end.

Then, if that was disturbing him more than not having his love, why could he not stop making him his with every thrust? Why did he love how his name was shouted by Masaki's lips? Why did he desire more? After all, he was in love with that man and that had been his goal for years. Having that intimacy with Aiba had been his dream since he began to be unable to have a shower with Masaki.

Not only his mind wanted him so badly, but his body as well. It burned with every touch of his hands in that night. The scratches Aiba left with his nails on Sho's back hurt as much as the tears in his eyes, that was why he rolled on the bed to place him on top, not to shed them on his face.

The last thing Sho wanted was showing him how weak he was in that moment. In the end, they were drunk, playing a strange game and having sex just to relax their bodies. But when did their friendship end? When did both decide to make that undesirable step of being more than friends? Perhaps at the moment in which one of them started to feel something deeper and heavier. Just then, he realized that everything might be his fault since the beginning and he rolled on the bed again to move harsher and make Masaki shout.

All his frustration, his rage, his anger had to disappear after coming but they were still there, disturbing his awareness as never before. He wanted to leave that house as soon as possible but he could not when his gaze noticed that Masaki was still hard; Sho had not allowed him to touch himself due to the grip in his wrists after rolling for second time.

Masaki was helpless in front of Sho with his legs opened and his length hard. Sakurai broke the grip and immediately Masaki lowered his hand to end as soon as possible, but abruptly Sho caught his hand to stop him. He was not ready to see that face of him. His most private one.

“Sho... Why...? Just let me...” he begged between gasps. But Sho was still in front of him, his butt sat over his heels while breathing hard and realizing what he was doing. He had fucked him without thinking about the consequences. He made a big mistake, the biggest in his life probably. His hand was removed quickly and Aiba started to finish swiftly.

Sakurai only watched how he was doing it and his body felt hot again. His lust returned, after being asleep for a few minutes, and he removed Masaki's hand to lower his head and suck it with his mouth as he heard a sudden shout of pleasure.

Only questions about what he was doing, what would come after, what would happen the next day bothered his mind as he was driving Masaki crazy with his tongue. Nothing mattered in that moment. Nothing mattered since the elevator thanks to Aiba who made the first step. And he doubted why. Why did Aiba do that? Alcohol? Stress?

_Love...?_

He erased those thoughts from his mind when he felt a hot liquid in his mouth. He swallowed it swiftly not wanting to taste it. He raised his body to look at Masaki, who was grabbing the sheets and the pillow hard with his mouth opened. His eyes went down slowly watching how his chest was going up and down heavily, how his belly was still stiff, how a tear of cum was dropping from the tip, how he nailed the fingers of his feet on the mattress to try to handle his orgasm.

And everything was amazing and beautiful, he was the most handsome man he met in his life and like that he loved him more. Forgetting his bad feelings, his annoying thoughts and what would happen in the morning, he lay down beside him to grab his waist and feel again the necessity of having Aiba forever. Surprisingly, Masaki hugged him as well to rest under the sheets together until the alarm would sound.

 

An annoying noise started to sound making Sho wake up in a second. His eyes did not want to open and a heavy tiredness was the reason of being unable to stop hugging the person by his side. He remembered everything suddenly. The rejection, the hug, the drinks, the sex... His mind woke up quickly as he raised his head to search for someone in both sides. He found a sleepy man under his arm and Sho raised the sheet to check if he was naked.

What did he do? Why did he have to drink that night? He controlled himself as always but that little bit was enough not to think properly about the future and live the moment. Also, he felt like he took advantage of Aiba's situation to calm his deep desires. Now, what should he do? What was he supposed to do in that moment? Waking him up as lovers? Running away as if everything would have been a mistake? In the end, everything had been a big mistake.

So he decided to return to his house to change his clothes and go to record a song at the record label. But when he was going to stand up, someone behind him grabbed his arm.

“Sho-chan... What happened?” his voice sounded confused and scared. When Sakurai turned around, he found a flushed, shy man who was naked and uncovered by the sheets because he was almost kneeled on the bed.

“Forget everything...” his eyes did not want to watch him in that condition, he refused to see him any second more and the grip disappeared.

“How can I forget that we had sex?” Aiba's voice trembled full of dark emotions and Sakurai looked at him surprised. Two tears were rolling down through his cheeks as his hand was a fist nailed in the mattress.

“Why do you care about that?” he did the main question. What Aiba would answer would be the reflection of his feelings so Sakurai gulped nervously waiting for his answer.

“Because we're in Arashi” he answered sighing in the end and Sakurai bit his lips trying not to shout or cry. He should have known it beforehand. Between them, there had been a friendship and after that crazy night, there was nothing.

“That's what you care” he replied with disdain and his gaze killed Masaki leaving him speechless. He was, rather than angry and upset, so betrayed and hurt. He thought that Masaki would be different if that day arrived but he only found a person who only cared about his reputation.

“Sho, that's not-“

“And what is then?!” he shouted reaching his limit. He could not bear anything else, he needed to say everything, his feelings, his fears, his painful reality which had hurt him for more years than everyone could imagine. Now being 36 years old, he was brave enough to face all the consequences that act could cause.

“We can't live as normal people, understand it please” Masaki did not care if he had just shout to him, Sho had to understand that they were idols, not normal people who could live how they wanted.

“And if I want to be normal?” he asked challenging him to give a solution, he knew that there was nothing else than that. “What if I want you?” Sho found his courage to do that question and Masaki's eyes widened. “What if I'm in love with you? Should I forget my feelings for you?” he waited for an answer but Masaki was speechless and he was tired of that situation so he stood up to search for his clothes and dress up.

Just when he was going to leave, Aiba's voice called him. “Don’t be angry with me” and that was when he realized that somehow Masaki was bearing with too much as well. Remembering all the times he supported him in his worst days, he approached the bed to kneel on the mattress and he kissed his lips softly caressing his wet cheek with his palm.

“These are my true feelings” he said with a sweet voice and Masaki wrapped his arms around his neck suddenly sitting over his thighs with a leg in each side completely naked. Sakurai was very lost about what he was doing and why but his mind stopped working when his partner kissed him back rubbing a bit their noses.

“Sho, I...” he tried to speak but Sakurai noticed how confused he was that he lost his control once more and, this time without alcohol, he dropped Masaki on the bed as they were kissing deeply.

“I don't regret what we did last night, I would do it over and over again...” the older said with a low voice as Masaki bit his own lip, maybe asking more with his eyes. Sho did not care what that gaze wanted to mean, he just continued not caring about the time or his schedule.

“Let me do...” Masaki begged when Sakurai was opening his fly sitting on the bed with his friend waiting to be one again.

Sho caught his hands to look up and find Aiba looking at him with dubious eyes as he sat over him. Sakurai placed his arms around his neck because he wanted to dry a tear which was falling down.

“Why are you crying?” he asked wanting to know what was hurting him until the limit of crying but Masaki shook his head to hug him and hide his face.

“It hurts...” he did not explain what that meant but Sho could think of two options, maybe having sex hurt too much or maybe their situation was unbearable for both. Considering that Aiba was crying since he woke up, he forgot the first one.

“Don't worry, we will find a solution” he brushed his hair to comfort him and Masaki continued with his moves. He was doing it slowly, like enjoying it as if it was the last time.

Sho changed the position of his legs to place Masaki's back on the sheets and take over. That time was different. They were only showing their painful side, his broken one and perhaps the reason of that was each other. Maybe they had broken each other without realizing it and that was the hardest thing to forget.

Lost in Masaki's shouts, he could not concentrate in his thoughts any longer, only watching how that man was grabbing his shoulders tightly not to leave more red marks on his back. But in the end he loved those marks, he loved his expression during the lovemaking, his deep voice saying his name, his opened mouth asking him nearer.

Would a person do that with a friend? Sho had the feeling that Masaki needed that as much as him. Could it be? Could they be in love with each other? Could Masaki love him as Sho loved him? A deep voice in his mind was begging that it was true, at least possible, that he could have a chance just to try and not to have the doubt of what would happen if...

“Masaki, do you... do you love me?” he asked between gasps desiring a yes as the oxygen he was breathing at that moment. His eyes were closed as his teeth were destroying his lower lip with hard bites. Maybe thinking about what to answer or maybe elaborating an excuse not to hurt him. Sakurai wanted to hear it as soon as possible but his friend was in silence not saying a single word.

Suddenly, his eyes were opened and a tear fell from the corner of the right one as his head nodded. “Yes, but...” he did not say anything else.

Sho was intrigued by that _but_ and he waited for more but he only watched how Masaki reached his climax arching his back. And then his gaze got blurred, his body felt so tensed and an explosion of pleasure burst into him making him fall over Masaki. He smelled his sweet scent of that perfume he used lately and his mind relaxed completely for the first time in a while.

Then, like cold water falling over him, Aiba continued his sentence. “But this is impossible, Sho-chan...” he replied with a broken voice. Sho raised his head quickly trying to look at him but Masaki had his arm covering his face.

“Why?” he dared to ask. Instead of happiness, hopes or any good feeling, he was full of negative ones which were erasing the little confidence he had.

“Nobody would accept us...” he cried softly as Sakurai sat on the bed to pull him up. Their gazes crashed in a tensed atmosphere and Masaki shook his head to hug him. “I’m sorry...”

“I have to go” he said suddenly completely shocked about that confession and he set Masaki aside to stand up and leave the room without thinking about the broken man he was leaving behind. It was hard to do but what would he do in Arashi? Would he be able to see Masaki everyday?

He did not think so. He was even doubting if they would be able to be near each other a single second more. Knowing that both shared the same feelings, everything became more difficult to handle and understand.

He drove home to take a hot shower rubbing hard each inch of his skin just to erase his touches, but a simple pain appeared in his back and it reminded him what they had done. Memories of them hugging each other, sleeping together, loving each other, broke his last strength making him hit the wall hardly with his fist just to try to forget all the pain he was feeling deep inside in his heart.

Why did he not try to convince him? Why did he conform with that? Why did he allow Masaki to reject him just because of society? Why must it be like that? Those questions were wandering in his mind aimlessly as him in that cold morning of December through an empty street near the record label. He was deciding if going or not because he did not want to meet Masaki once more.

In the end, he would be late if he continued walking around so he sighed deeply to come in the room where Ohno and Aiba were waiting for him to record a part of the new song.

“Sho-kun, Mondays are hard, right?” Satoshi laughed standing up to prepare himself to record as Aiba and Sho glanced at each other with nervous gazes.

“Yeah... Today was so hard to get up...” he said waiting a reaction by Aiba and the latter only coughed a few times catching his earphones to start recording too.

Ohno frowned watching those two weirdos acting so oddly that morning when both of them usually made the room funny and warm. When they ended, he took Sho out of the room because Ninomiya and Jun appeared as well.

“What's happening?” he asked straight knowing that there was something hidden. Sho smiled bitterly and his eyes were raised to look at him and express all the pain he was feeling.

“Satoshi-kun, do you care about others' opinions?” he questioned instead of answering and his friend frowned again being lost about the answer Sho was searching for.

“Since we are in Arashi, it's true that we're caring about that constantly” he replied and Sho licked his lips needing a second part. “But sometimes we have not to believe others' opinions and listen to our hearts” Satoshi smiled with warm eyes and he patted his shoulder to return with the rest in the room.

_Listen to my heart...?_

 

Few days after, Christmas was near and Sho was wondering if he was sure of trying that. It was the last chance he would have and maybe he was hopeful after knowing that Masaki felt the same, but the rejection was still there. They needed to fix it quickly because, lately, working with him was harder than never before and he was thinking about leaving Arashi if that lasted forever.

That would be what would make him decide what to do the next day. Sho desired to be with Aiba but he could not obligate him either, his decision was only his, Sho could not have a say there. If Masaki chose to be with him, Sakurai would want it by his own decision, because Aiba would like to go out with him. And he would discover his true opinion about it soon.

Sakurai asked Masaki to meet in his house at eight o'clock excusing himself because there was something important to tell him. Perhaps Aiba could know already what it was but if he appeared in his house, it would mean that he was still caring about him.

Time continued passing slowly and swiftly at the same time, slow because Sho could not wait anymore but fast because the time left was running out and he was not ready yet. Suddenly the bell rang and his heart stopped beating for a second. With hesitant steps, he approached the door and his hand opened it slowly to face the person who hurt him the most.

“What was so important?” Masaki asked between coughs possibly after running. Sakurai just took his hand to pull him inside and closed the door to bring their bodies together. Sho caressed his cheek sweetly.

“Are you worried?” Sho questioned surprised and Aiba nodded with flushed cheeks. Maybe because of the cold, maybe because of running, maybe because of Sakurai so close, he was shy at that moment. And Sho loved that man so hard that he could not wait any longer to wrap his arms around his neck and kiss him softly. He felt two dry and cold lips returning a simple but perfect kiss and two hands grabbing his jersey tightly.

“Sho, this...” he tried to speak after the kiss but his mind was probably a mess and Sakurai smiled apologizing himself. He was so impatient to show Masaki his surprise that he needed to do it as soon as possible.

“Come with me” he took his hand to come inside the living room, which Aiba knew so perfectly after going there a lot of times to be alone with Sho. They told their problems or laughed together but in the end, they were happy with each other, as if their lives would have been intertwined for years already.

They sat on the sofa without a word and that silence was killing Sakurai slowly. He took a package with his hands and offered it to Masaki. The latter caught it frowning while glancing at Sho sometimes to prove that he was still watching his whole reaction. His hands broke the gift wrap and when he opened it, a red sweater with the word together written in it appeared in front of his eyes. When he raised it to look at it better, a letter fell from inside.

“What’s this?” Masaki asked so confused about this and Sho smiled warmly.

“Christmas’ present” he explained briefly. And he continued while Masaki caught the letter too. “In that letter I wrote my feelings for you, read it only if you want” he said faking a smile when inside he was bursting into his nerves.

“Thank you...” Masaki spoke in a whisper and another silence was created. Sho wanted to break it but no words came out. Abruptly, Masaki stood up. “I should go already...” he excused himself but Sho grabbed his hand to stop him. He wanted to spend more time by his side, although it was tense and uncomfortable, he needed to feel him by his side.

“Stay a bit more” he begged but Masaki closed his eyes in an attempt not to cry.

“Why should I stay if we’re nothing?” he asked with a painful voice and Sho widened his eyes.

“Neither friends nor co-workers?” he asked hurtfully standing up too defeated after hearing that.

“Co-workers because of Arashi, but friends? I can't consider you as a friend anymore, Sho... I'm sorry...” his voice was broken, almost exposing a sob. And with that, he turned around to find the main door and get out of there as soon as possible.

Sho did not run after him or call his name, that invisible slap had been stronger than a real one and he was still in shock. He thought that at least they could continue being friends but it seemed impossible for Aiba. Why? He did not know. How could he not be even a single friend for him, after everything they had lived together?

Now he was regretting that letter, the one which he had written exposing all his feelings, his gratefulness, his sorrows, his fears and his love for him. He was sure that Aiba would throw it to the trash bin not wanting to bother his mind any second more. Or instead of that, he would make fun of him if he read everything.

Aiba was not a bad person but seeing that he knew nothing about him, Sho was not sure about what Aiba would do. He only wanted to give him a present as every year to show that they were still being friends for him, but Aiba did not think the same as him. That forced him to think properly that night in the bed, earlier than other days just not to have to think any time more about Aiba or their situation.

 

He thought that Aiba would know to differentiate between his personal situation and work, their job as part of Arashi, but he was wrong. Every time they had to do something together, Aiba was reticent to do it with Sho, he did it wrong and he was in his own world without thinking about the rest of the members. They tried to talk with him to see if something bad had happened but it seemed that Aiba had nothing to say about it.

So one day that Sho and Jun had a photoshoot together, Jun took advantage of it to ask Sho if he knew what had happened to Aiba.

“Do you think that Aiba would hurt someone on purpose?” Sho asked with tired eyes and Jun frowned deeply. He knew that his co-worker was smarter than anyone else there.

“Aiba is the type of person who doesn't think what to say before talking. He only say the first thing which comes to his mind and more if something happens” he dropped the last sentence as a normal one but in the end he knew that Sho was the reason of Aiba's behaviour. Sakurai only smiled raising his dead gaze slowly.

“I hate that side of him”

 

His birthday was near, just a few days left and he did not care about it, he had not cared about anything since Christmas. He even wrote a resign letter to give to Johnny-san to show him that he could not stay anymore there. His mental health was in a hard depression and he felt as dying every time his feet touched the floor to stand up.

He was going to give it to him that morning but an urgent request of the staff did not allow him to do it. When he returned to the green room to take it and go to his office, he found four people with sad faces and the letter was opened and caught by Ohno's hand.

“Can you explain this?” he asked, sometimes he was the leader that Arashi needed and he was grateful for that.

“I'm sorry for not telling you before...” he said embarrassed in front of those three angry gazes. The fourth was looking at him with his red eyes waiting an explanation too.

“Why do you want to resign? The five of us are Arashi!” Ninomiya said with rage. He was right but Sho was incapable of saying the reason in front of Masaki. His pride did not allow him to do it, he just stared at him and sighed deeply.

“Without you nobody can continue” Jun spoke worried about his decision. “No one wants you out of Arashi, why then?” he asked and Sakurai smiled bitterly.

“Are you sure of that?” he asked loudly with a knot in his throat not allowing him even to breathe properly. He dried some tears which fell from his eyes.

“Who wants you out?” Ohno questioned frowning deeply and surely hurt by his words and his actions. Sho regretted that, he regretted to have hurt them so badly with his drastic decision. To answer, his eyes only gazed at the only person who was crying in a corner without speaking a single word. Sakurai could assure that everyone understood that something had happened between them but they preferred to shut up when the crying man made a step forwards to talk.

“Are you an idiot?” he said sobbing hard. “I don't want you out of Arashi!” Masaki lowered his head.

“We're forced to be co-workers because of Arashi, so I will quit, maybe you will be happier without me” he reproached him with a new disdain so untypical of him. Aiba raised his head with wide eyes and he bit his lower lip nervously.

“Can't you see that I'm a mess?!” Masaki shouted at him moving closer to him because of the anger. Jun was going to stop them but Ninomiya grabbed his arm to leave their argument alone.

“Why?” Sho asked looking up because of the height difference.

“Because of your fucking letter...” he confessed and suddenly Aiba approached him to rest his forehead on his shoulder. Sho sighed deeply controlling all his emotions to grab his arms and drop them over his shoulders to make him embrace his neck as he was hugging his torso.

He looked around to see three speechless people out of place and surely wanting an explanation. “I’m sorry...” he said and no one knew very well for who it was. If for Masaki because of the letter or for everyone because of the resign.

When Sho was watching them, Jun caught the letter to break it and throw it to the trash bin. “You’re Arashi too” he said as cool as always with a soft smile.

“We need you, Sho, and Masaki is who needs you the most” Ninomiya told him knowing something that Sho did not know and he nodded still hugging Masaki tightly.

“The next time, talk first with us, okay? We're here for you, Sho” Ohno offered him their help for the next time and he nodded smiling so happily for having a group as Arashi.

Slowly, Aiba broke the hug to be close to Sho's face. “Is everything in the letter true?” he asked Sho in a whisper. The oldest of them two smiled and nodded.

“Completely true” he admitted once more, remembering each word he wrote, and suddenly Aiba took his jaw with his hand to press their lips together in a sweet kiss in front of their friends. Sho got tensed knowing that three people were watching them but somehow he desired another kiss by Aiba, he desired him again cuddling together on a bed or helping each other when everything seemed broken. And suddenly, he smiled.

“So it was that...” Jun said almost chuckling as Nino and Ohno were smiling watching how they were fixing their relationship.

“You wrote it... Kiss me if it's a yes... I just-“ Aiba tried to excuse himself but Sho laughed flushed.

“You really have to learn to control yourself” Sakurai touched his nose cutely and Aiba smiled embarrassed too. Sho's gaze returned to his friends who felt out of place but happy for them and he broke their contact.

After that, all his sorrows, his sadness, his depression disappeared suddenly. His life already did not seem so negative and he was willing to fight for Arashi, to fight for their relationship, to fight for himself until the end. Just because Aiba showed him that he wanted to fight, he was able to do it as well. That was how much he needed his partner every day.

 

A cold morning was obligating him to cuddle more in Sho's arms covering his body until his neck with the warm sheets. Sho growled trying to stretch his arms and legs but Masaki did not allow him being almost on top of him. He smiled kissing his skin not knowing which part was because he had his eyes closed.

Abruptly, he felt two lips searching for his wanting a kiss to wake up while playing a bit as they were naked because they spent the night together. Masaki usually enjoyed it but last night was special because it was already Sho's birthday.

He needed to get up before Sho to prepare something. Then Aiba left him on the bed to go to the bathroom and dress himself with the red sweater Sho gave him in his birthday. He took a package with Sakurai's present and he hid a letter inside it as Sakurai did that day too.

Suddenly he found beside it the letter Sho wrote for him and his hands opened it to read it again:

 

_I'm sorry if I'm a coward who can't say this aloud, but sometimes talking with you is hard, sometimes my heart pounds as crazy as possible when you are close to me, sometimes my mind goes blank when you talk to me. That's why every day is harder than the last because every day I fall in love with you again._

_I would love to stop my feelings and work with you, be your friend without this suffering but how can I stop it? How can't I love your clumsy character, your cute mistakes or your lovely eyes which look at me with that brilliant smile?_

_And after knowing that you feel the same, I wanted to be happy, really happy, but when you told me that it was impossible, my world broke in pieces. I need you in my life to be happy, you know? You're indispensable by my side, I feel so lost if you aren't near._

_That's why I ask you again if you want to forget the rest of the world and think about only us together. Answer me with a kiss if it's a yes, I know that you aren't good with words._

_I love you, Masaki._

 

A few tears were falling down after reading it again. He had read it a lot of times already but he always ended up crying realizing once more how much he meant for Sho. For that person who he loved the most for long time. He did not know when he fell in love with him but he was sure that his feelings appeared slowly inside of him loving a different part of Sho each day.

Now he was completely absorbed by Sakurai and he desired to be like that his whole life. He was aware that this would be difficult for both, for their work, for their supposed private lives which could not be forgotten so easily, but they were satisfied being together just a few days per week instead of being nothing more than co-workers.

Since he realized it, he regretted not having started a relationship with Sakurai sooner.

Slowly, he approached the bed to sit and shake his partner by his hips with a hand calling his name sweetly. Sho growled as an answer and Masaki smiled when their eyes met in a private atmosphere which was only theirs. His boyfriend sat quickly when he saw the package frowning deeply.

“Happy birthday, Sho-chan” he said embarrassed but happy to be able to celebrate it alone with him. He approached him to kiss his lips briefly and gave him the present.

“You didn't have to worry about it...” he said smiling as his hands opened it to find a green sweater with the word always written in it with white letters. Then the letter fell and Sakurai raised an eyebrow amused about Masaki's ideas. “Matching clothes?” he chuckled looking at the sweater and noticing that Aiba was using his for the first time. He caught the letter and opened it but he did not stop looking at him just to get him nervous.

“Just read it!” he complained flushed and Sakurai smiled to lowered his gaze to the letter and read it aloud.

“ _Always together. I would love to be like that with you my whole life_ ” he read it knowing that Masaki was totally blushed.

“Why do you have to read it aloud?” he complained in a mutter and suddenly, Sakurai threw himself over him to lie down together on the bed. Masaki wrapped his arms around his neck when his partner kissed him deeply.

“Be my boyfriend, Masaki. I love you so much that I can't stand it” he whispered serious about it. Aiba just smiled nodding and they hugged each other so they could roll on the bed. Then Masaki sat over Sho's thighs.

“Wear it” he ordered catching the green sweater to dress Sho like a kid and see how handsome he was with it. Starting to lose the passing of time, they began a game of touches and kisses to recover all the lost time they had wasted without each other.

Only they existed in that bedroom that morning. Only they were in that world. And no one desired anything more. They felt complete like that, just the two of them showing their love with every rub of their fingertips over each other’s skin.

Suddenly, Masaki rubbed his nose on his neck catching the other side with his palm gasping lowly as his mouth whispered “I love you”

“I love you too, Masaki”

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if it's good or bad, long or short but I hope that it's enjoyable and you like it. Also I'm sorry about being late, this was my story~


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